


Future Uncertain

by crysgen78



Series: Lifetimes [3]
Category: E.R., Early Edition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:23:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crysgen78/pseuds/crysgen78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Direct continuation of Present Inconveniences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Future Uncertain

John sat there in stunned disbelief as he tried to comprehend the words that were printed on the paper in his now trembling hand. *No!* he silently shouted. *Not Gary.* His gaze became fuzzy with unshed tears. He turned his focus back to the scene around him. He could see that the two shooters had been wrestled to the ground by the police that were now on the scene.

“Carter! Hey, Carter, are you okay?” he could hear the voice of Mark Greene calling to him. He nodded dumbly as strong hands pulled him upright, making sure that he didn’t sway. The hands then spun him around, and he suffered through it mutely as they checked him for any wounds. He caught sight of Gary being lifted by Luka Kovac onto a gurney that had mysteriously appeared.

“Gary,” he sighed softly.

“You know that guy?” Mark asked him stepping in front of his view as Gary was wheeled into a room where work was immediately began on him in the way of setting up I.V.’s and the reading of stats. Carter really wanted to be in there with him.

He looked at Mark and nodded. “Um, yeah, I know him,” he stated as Mark continued to check him over for any wound. Carter pulled away from him suddenly, “Look, Mark, I’m fine. I really just want to go help with Gary.” He started to pull away, but was suddenly seized by strong hands and ushered in the opposite direction to the lounge.

“Uh uh, Carter.” Mark Greene was saying with a decisive shake of his head. “You and I both know you shouldn’t be anywhere near a case where a loved one is involved.” Carter whirled around, shock widening his eyes as they stepped through the door to the lounge. Mark grinned sheepishly, “Abby let something slip around Malucci. No names and nothing specific mind you, but with that man being one of the greatest gossips alive.....let’s just say there was a lot of speculation, and it spread like wildfire.”

“So you know about us?” Carter was waiting for some kind of horrible reaction out of Mark. He stood and waited for the look of disgust to come over his features, but Mark just surprised him by turning a bit pink and stammering something about having thought this about Carter before. John stood there open-mouthed for a moment. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Mark was basically confessing that the entire staff had suspicions that Carter was attracted to those of his own gender. A sharp laugh tore from his throat, “I thought I was so good at hiding it.”

“You were, Carter,” Mark said gently, realizing he’d upset his friend. “But anyone who could see how happy you were these past months along with how many times you mentioned this new friend of yours, could put two and two together.” Mark escorted the younger man to a chair and sat him down. “Besides,” he added, “if it makes you feel any better, I don’t think Ramano knows.” That earned the reaction that he was looking for. The younger man’s head snapped up, he feigned a very dramatic pose of horror, and then broke out into a severe bout of laughter at the thought of Ramano coming to terms with the fact that the ‘drug-store cowboy’ was having an affair with another man. It wouldn’t be pretty, that was for sure.

John was sitting on the couch in the lounge when Kerry Weaver stuck her head in the door. “John,” she said quietly as she made her way over to where he was sitting. “Benton has taken him up to the O.R. I have to tell you that he’s lost a lot of blood, and had gone into a severe state of shock while we were working on him. They’re doing all they can for him.” She placed her hand on John’s arm as she sat down next to him.

“I know,” John breathed, turning to face her. He put on a weak smile, “Gary’s strong. He’ll be okay.” He turned back to facing the floor in front of him and added desolately, “He has to be.”

Kerry and Mark exchanged concerned glances over Carter’s head. They didn’t know what comfort to offer their friend. Kerry decided it best to treat this, as though it were any other case. “John, I have to ask you. Do you know if he has any family close by?”

“Huh? Oh, God, Bernie and Lois.” John became agitated. “Yeah, they’re in town right now. Gary’s parents.” How could he have forgotten to call Gary’s parents, he wondered? He groaned. “Yeah, I’ll go call them now. They should be here.” Kerry patted his arm and smiled at him encouragingly.

John made his way to the nearest phone, and called the hotel where Gary’s parents were staying. The concierge patched him through to the Hobsons’ hotel room. Lois picked up the phone, cheerily saying, “Hello, you’ve got Lois Hobson.”

John’s mouth went dry, “Um, hi, Lois. It’s John.” He pushed through before she could start a barrage of endless chatter, “Listen, there’s been an accident. Gary’s been shot.” Dead silence from the other person on the line. “He’s here at County. He’s been taken up for surgery. Peter Benton and Robert Ramano are the ones working on him. It’s going to be a while before we get anything definitive though.” John had slipped into cold, clinical mode to get through telling the parents of the man he loved that their son had been severely wounded.

“Is he going to be okay?” Lois sounded shaky. John could here Bernie in the background questioning his wife as to what the problem was.

“I don’t know,” replied John, his voice cracking. “I have the paper. It says that he’s going to be in a coma listed in critical condition.” John leaned his head against the cool wall. He fought the tears stinging his eyes. He didn’t want to break down in front of Gary’s parents, and dishearten them.

He heard Lois repeat the information that she’d heard to her husband. “John, honey, you there?” She asked.

“Yeah, Lois, I’m still here.”

“Bernie and I are on our way down.”

“Okay, I’ll be waiting for you.” He hung up the phone, and felt like he was going to be sick. He made it into the bathroom just in time. Everything he’d eaten for breakfast that morning came up out of his stomach. He lurched into the stall, heaving into the bowl. He continued to do so until his stomach was completely empty and raw. He stood precariously, his hand sliding on the wall as he made it to the sink. There, he splashed water on his face, and rinsed out his mouth. He checked his image in the mirror. He’d looked better. *Of course,* he mused. *I’ve also looked worse.* It was as he was looking at his reflection that he noticed the blood he was covered in. He was horrified at the fact that it was Gary’s blood that was now drying on his clothing. He picked absent-mindedly at the white shirt that was covered in dried brown flecks. The tears he’d fought so hard against before now resurfaced with a vengeance. He blinked in quick succession, but to no avail.

He was crying quietly when Dave Malucci came strolling in. Upon seeing his distraught friend, Malucci went over to offer what support he could. “Hey, Carter, I heard what happened. You okay, man?” He placed a hand on Carter’s shoulder. He could feel the tremors running right under the skin. He realized that Carter was holding back, despite the tears streaming down his face.

Carter shrugged. “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said sarcastically.

Getting the implication that his help was neither wanted, nor needed, Malucci backed off. “Yeah, well,” he searched frantically for the right words. “I’m glad you’re okay.” He offered honestly.

John saw that he’d hurt Dave’s feelings, and immediately he felt worse. “Christ, Dave, I’m sorry.”

Dave just turned to him and grinned, “Hey, Carter, don’t sweat it.”

“Thanks, Dave.” John turned to face him, and said seriously, “I really appreciate the concern, I mean.” Dave’s smile just got wider in response, and Carter attempted to smile, but it didn’t quite come through. He shrugged apologetically, and made his way back out into the corridor. He was on his way to the desk to let Randi know that Gary’s parents were on their way in.

“John,” he heard his grandmother call frantically. He turned to see her practically running toward him. She grabbed her grandson, and hung onto him frantically, whispering, “Thank God you’re okay.” John could smell the fear that permeated her skin. “There was a news bulletin that talked about the shooting at the hospital, and your name was mentioned. I didn’t catch the entire thing, so I didn’t know what to think.” She took in his appearance, noticing the blood on his clothes and fear yet again filled her eyes. “You?” she pointed towards the various blood splatters, as her eyes grew wide.

John took her hand in his, and led her to the waiting area where they sat side by side. “Gamma, I’m fine.” He drew a breath, and let it out slowly.

“John, what is it?”

“It’s Gary, Gamma. He was the one who was shot.” He turned to face her, his eyes shining and glassy. “He was shot pushing me out of the way of the bullet. He saved my life.” John hung his head, not wanting to infect anyone with his despair at the situation.

“But he’ll be all right, won’t he John?” Millicent asked him, her relief at her grandson being uninjured, turning into horror that John could lose the person he loved so much.

“I don’t know, Gamma. He’s in surgery right now. He lost a lot of blood. He’d gone into shock. I honestly don’t know.” All his grandmother could offer in response was a squeeze to his hand.

They were sitting there silently when Randi walked over to them. “Hey, Carter, there are a couple of people here who want to see you. They say they’re that guy’s parents.”

John sighed, “Thanks, Randi. I’ll go get them.” John stood up and walked to the reception area followed closely by Millicent Carter. He forced himself to walk up to the Hobsons. He put his hand on Bernie’s shoulder, and the older man whirled to face him. “Hi,” John said nervously, realizing the state he was in. *Why didn’t I think to change my clothes?*

“John,” both of Gary’s parents nodded to him. “Have you heard anything yet?” Lois said timidly, stepping out from behind her husband.

John shook his head, “No, I was just on my way up. Do you want to come with me?” They both nodded in unison, and John turned and almost ran smack into the face of the elder Carter. “Oh, Gamma, these are Gary’s parents.” He gestured towards the people standing at his side.

Millicent stuck out her hand, “Millicent Carter.” Both of the Hobsons shook her hand, and everyone gave a half-hearted smile at meeting under such circumstances.

“Bernie Hobson,” Gary’s father replied, “and this is my wife Lois.”

They all stood there awkwardly for a moment; each one unsure of what was appropriate to do. John cleared his throat. “If you’ll all follow me, I’ll take you up to the surgical waiting area, and see if I can find out what’s going on.” He led the trio of people behind him to the nearest elevator. They got on, and wordlessly arrived at their floor. Gary's parents were on the left side of John, while his grandmother was to the right of him.

John Carter led his group silently through the halls of the surgical floor to the waiting area chairs. Once everyone was seated, he went to the main desk to see what O.R. Gary had been taken to. Getting the room number, he made his way to the scrub room, pulled on a mask, and stepped in halfway.

“Carter, get out of here!” Robert Ramano greeted him, as he looked up to see John stick half his body through the door.

“I’ve got his family out here,” John said lamely. “I need to know what to tell them.”

“Carter,” Peter Benton addressed him without ever looking up from the body he was operating on. “You know it’s too early to know anything definite yet. He’s made it this far, which is a good sign. Go tell them that. Stay with them.” If John hadn’t known him for years, he might be bothered by the way Benton was ordering him around, but he knew that it was just his way of trying to protect him.

“Take care of him,” he said quietly, as the two other physicians waved him out. He walked back into the waiting room, and saw his grandmother leaning and talking soothingly to both of the Hobsons. Everyone looked up at him simultaneously once he returned. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t remember feeling so helpless. Even when he was taking the painkillers, he’d had a modicum of control. It was his choice to take one pill or the entire bottle. He had no control over this. He had no control over whether Gary would live or die, and he couldn’t even help him. It was unbearable. He sighed, and wiped his hand over his face. “They don’t know anything yet. Doctors Benton and Ramano are still working on him, but they said it was a good sign that he’s made it as far as he has.” He offered weakly, his own voice sounding hollow in his ears. He suddenly felt as though he were a hundred years old, and had lived every one of those years roughly.

Lois Hobson stood up and walked over to him, pulling him to the side out of hearing range. “The paper,” she whispered, “do you still have it?”  
John nodded and pulled it out of his hidden back pocket since he was still wearing his lab coat. “It didn’t have a lot of detail,” he said, handing it to her.  
Lois perused the section of the paper concerning her son intently. John had been right. The paper offered very little in the way of the condition of Gary. It just said that he was going to be in a coma in intensive care. She sighed, silently praying that her son be okay. She had a lot of faith though. She couldn’t think that God would cruelly yank away her son. He had done too much for other people. She suddenly remembered that no one was taking care of the paper. Lois restlessly tore through sheet after sheet, finally stopping when one article caught her eye. The headline read: “Little girl killed by hit and run.” She read through the first couple of lines of the article: “An unidentified girl, approximately four years old, was killed yesterday when she was struck at the intersection of Eighth and Taylor when a car jumped the curb and then sped away….” The article continued on from there, but Lois didn’t finish it. She looked up sharply at John, and motioned for him to come close. She pointed at the paper, and said, “Do you know where this intersection is?”

John read the article and felt sick. He hadn’t even thought that there might be other people who would need help, let alone a child. He nodded. He knew exactly where that intersection was. In fact, it wasn’t too far from the hospital. He looked over to Lois, and saw in her eyes that she expected him to take care of this. “Okay, I’m going to go.” He announced much to his grandmother’s surprise. She looked as though she were about to say something, but John just pushed through with his next comment. “I’m going to go change clothes.” He quickly lied. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be back soon. Could you stay here, Gamma, please?” He begged. As much as he liked Bernie and Lois, he knew that if anyone could scare a doctor into giving them an answer, it would be Millicent Carter. She nodded at him, smiling weakly. He grabbed her hand and gave it a tight squeeze.

John made his way back over to the elevators, and turned to look at the people he was leaving behind one last time. *What a misfit family,* he mused. That’s when he realized that that’s exactly how he thought of them. All of them. They were his family. One by blood, but most by love and affection. Even Gary’s friends had become part of his self-made family. He smiled at the thought, and silently prayed once more that Gary would be okay. He shook his head, and pushed the button for the down elevator. He waited impatiently, and jumped on the elevator as soon as it arrived, immediately hitting the ‘close door’ button so that no one else would get on with him. He silently willed the lift to descend faster as he made his way to the emergency floor.

He decided it best to go ahead and change his clothes since he was going outside. He headed for his locker, and pulled out a change of clothes. He didn’t even register the surprised glances he’d received as he walked through the halls. He didn’t see the sympathy and compassion in his friends’ eyes as he made his way out the door, into the cool Chicago day. He went to his jeep, and got in. Starting the vehicle, he drove quickly to the intersection in the paper. He got there in record time, and realized he’d have to wait at least a few minutes before anything should happen. He spent the time thinking of how much Gary meant to him. He vowed he’d make sure that Gary knew he was loved every day of the rest of his life if it meant that he would live. John would do anything to keep Gary safe from now on.

He was lost in thought when he heard a familiar meowing sound. He looked up to see Gary’s yellow tabby sitting on the corner across from him. It meowed at him again, and then, a little girl standing on the curb caught John’s attention. She was extremely small. John’s medically detached self began to assess the girl’s condition. She was malnourished, and dirty. She had no coat, and looked like she was suffering from exposure. *Where are her parents?* John thought to himself. As he was staring at the small thing that bent down to pet the yellow tabby cat that had approached her feet, he heard her giggle, and his heart warmed considerably. He could hardly believe that such a fragile thing that had been treated obviously so harshly could still find joy in such a world. He heard a screeching sound and saw the black sedan as it rounded the corner. Time suddenly moved into slow motion. Later, John wouldn’t remember the incident clearly enough to tell anyone what exactly had happened. He would vaguely recall getting out of his jeep, running to the little girl, and scooping her up in his arms, to narrowly miss getting hit when the oncoming car careened onto the sidewalk. The driver didn’t even look back, but just kept driving as John hugged the little girl tightly to him.

She began to squirm against him, so he set her back down on the ground. “Hey, honey,” he said gently, smoothing her matted hair down, and taking in the sight of her dirt caked face. Her hair would be blonde had it been washed. She definitely hadn’t been eating enough. The frailty of her bones sticking out just beneath the surface of her skin made John’s heart ache. “Do you know where your mommy or daddy is?”

The little girl shook her head in response. *Well,* thought John, *at least she understands me.* He took her hand in his, and led her back to the car. The child didn’t protest once. Obviously, she hadn’t had any bad experiences with strangers, and John was just thankful that he’d been the one to find her, and not someone else whose intentions were less than honorable. The child followed him quietly, looking up at him curiously with wide blue eyes. He opened the door to the passenger side of his jeep, and then picked her up and put her in the seat, strapping her in. He then moved to the driver’s side and got into the vehicle himself. As he strapped himself in, and turned the ignition he asked, “Sweetie, do you know what your name is?” He turned on the heater, and grew sad when he watched her immediately reach out to the warm air, trying to absorb as much of it as she could.

“Tanya,” the little girl answered.

“Well, Tanya, do you know how old you are?”

“I’m four years old,” she said with enthusiasm.

“That’s good,” he smiled at her and his smile broadened when she beamed at him in response. “Tanya, do you remember what happened to your mommy and daddy?”

“They’re gone,” the little girl said solemnly.

“Do you know where they went?” He was cursing inside his head. He knew that the child’s parents had abandoned her. How anyone could leave any child alone and un-cared for was completely beyond him. His suspicions were confirmed when Tanya shook her head no. “Well, sweetie, I’m going to take you where I work. Then, we’re going to look at you and make sure you’re okay, and get you a bath and some food. Does that sound good?” She nodded at him whole-heartedly.

He made his way back to County, parked, and got out going to the other side of the vehicle to retrieve its new passenger. He picked Tanya up and, balancing her on his hip carried her into the hospital. He was greeted immediately by his curious co-workers. Mark Greene was the first to make his way over. “Hey, Carter, who’ve you got here,” he asked, cooing softly to the little girl.

“This,” John said as he set the child on the counter of the admittance desk, “is Tanya.” The little girl became shy around all of the unfamiliar adults, took John’s hand, and clung to it fiercely. “Hey,” he said attracting the girl’s attention, trying to alleviate her uneasiness. He stepped closer to her. “It’s okay. These are my friends. Understand?” Tanya nodded. “Good. Now, what do you say we get you cleaned up and something to eat? Sound good?” Tanya nodded again, absent-mindedly sticking her thumb in her mouth.

John smoothed over her hair yet again as Haleh came forward to take the girl, saying, “Hi, there, honey.” She reached out for Tanya, but the little girl shrank away from her, immediately reaching out for John.

“Hey, Tanya,” John said softly. “It’s okay. This is Haleh. She’s just going to take you to get cleaned up, okay? I’ll be waiting for you.” Tanya finally let go of his hand, and let Haleh pick her up. She nodded at John, silently thanking him for his help.

“John?” Mark said obviously waiting for some kind of explanation.

“I found her outside, wondering around,” said Carter, turning to his friend. “I couldn’t leave her there.” He shrugged. Mark was looking in the direction that Tanya had been led, thanking God that he had Rachel, and that she was safe. He nodded in unison with Carter that the man had done the right thing in bringing her with him. “How’s Gary?” John’s soft voice brought Mark’s gaze back to him.

Mark sighed. The surgery had been successfully completed, but that was just about all the good news that Mark could offer his friend. “John,” he said, clasping the younger man’s shoulder and guiding him to the lounge. “Let’s talk somewhere privately.”

John shrugged off Mark’s hand. “He’s in a coma, isn’t he?”

“How did you know….”

Mark’s question was unfinished because John interrupted him with a wave of his hand. “It doesn’t matter. Is there anything you can tell me? Please?” John was beginning to get desperate. He wanted someone to tell him that Gary was going to be fine, just so he could hear those words.

“He’s resting comfortably. He’s breathing on his own. Heart and brain functions are both good. Blood pressure is within normal statistics for his kind of injuries. All in all, Carter, he should recover just fine.” He didn’t finish the thought. He knew that John knew the rest of that phrase was ‘as long as he wakes up from the coma’. They had both seen people who should’ve survived deteriorate quickly under the inactivity that comas offered.

John sighed and rubbed his hands tiredly over his face. “I’m going up there to be with him. Can you bring Tanya up when Haleh’s done with her? I want to make sure she’s okay.”

“Sure thing, Carter.” Mark Greene stood up and walked back out to yet again see the constant barrage of patients that always invaded County. John felt a twinge of guilt. He was supposed to be working now, and they couldn’t exactly afford to lose a doctor at times like these, but he just couldn’t see himself being any help to anyone.

He made his way back to the intensive care unit where he knew that Gary would be by now. Several other people had joined the group since he’d left. He recognized them all. Marissa sat to one side of the Hobsons, while his grandmother sat on the other. Sitting across from them were police detectives Antonia Brigatti, Paul Armstrong, retired detective Marion Crumb, and photojournalist Miguel Diaz. He was making his way towards the chairs when he heard a voice behind him ask, “So how is he?”

Marissa was the first to stand, swinging her cane out in front of her, “Chuck?”

“Hey, Marissa,” the stranger that John had only seen in photos took her arm and led her back to the seats, followed closely by a very attractive blonde woman. John recognized them both as Gary’s friends, Chuck and Jade. He also noticed the hateful look Toni Brigatti shot in her direction. He almost laughed out loud. Gary had told him the entire story of the stolen necklace, and international espionage. “So,” Chuck said yet again. “Any word yet?”  
Marissa answered him, “Gary’s in a coma. They say that we’ll just have to wait and see.”

“Hobson’s tough,” Marion Crumb spoke up. “The kid’ll be okay. He may be plagued by the worst luck ever, but you mark my words, he’ll live to a ripe old age.” He nodded to himself as several members of the group smiled at him gratefully.

John made his way over to sit on the other side of his grandmother when Chuck finally took notice of him. He stood up and walked over to where the man was now sitting. “You John?” he asked, and upon seeing Carter nod, stuck his hand out, “Chuck Fishman. Nice to meet you. That is my wife, Jade,” he said gesturing in the direction where the blonde woman was sitting. She smiled at him.

John shook the offered hand, mumbling some inconsequential small talk as introduction. He was a little surprised. Gary hadn’t told him that he’d told one of his oldest friends about him. Unless, that is of course, Marissa had been talking out of turn again. He looked at the man in front of him, trying to judge his take on the situation. Chuck didn’t seem affected at all. In fact, he didn’t seem to think that anything was so unusual with John being there, that John knew instantly that Chuck knew what his true relationship with Gary was. And yet, on taking another sweep around the room, he realized that everyone there seemed to not think it strange. *Everyone knows.* The thought troubled him. It wasn’t that he cared so much what people would think as to what they would do. He wasn’t naïve to think that just because his family and friends seemed okay with his choice of partner that that would mean everyone else would be. He looked around the room again. All he got was sympathy. They all wanted Gary Hobson better and back among the living where he belonged.

He’d become lost in daydreaming about what he and Gary would do once his lover felt up to it again. A clearing of someone’s throat brought him out of his reverie. It was Mark, holding a much cleaner Tanya. “John,” the little girl exclaimed happily, instantly reaching for him.

John pulled her to him, sitting her on his lap, and smelling the clean soap and water smell that still clung to her. She looked much better. They’d had to cut some of her hair, most likely to get some of the tangles out. They’d found something clean for her to wear. It was too big, but at least it wasn’t caked in dirt. “Have you eaten?” he asked her.

“No,” Mark jumped in. “I’ve got Malucci bringing something up. He should be here any minute.” Having said that, he turned to go.

“Thanks, Mark,” Carter said to the retreating form.

“Any time, Carter,” came the reply as the doors to the waiting area were swinging shut.

Everyone now had their attention turned on the little bundle sitting contentedly in John’s lap. His grandmother was the first one to speak up. “John, whose child is this?”

“I found her, Gamma. I couldn’t leave her outside all alone, so I thought it best to bring her with me here.” He couldn’t help but notice that Lois Hobson had made eye contact with Tanya, who seemed more than happy to send sunshine smiles over to her direction. The smiles were instantly reciprocated.

Lois sat watching the scene of the little girl clinging to John, and inwardly smiled, thinking to herself, *Come on, Gary. You have to wake up. You have to see this.* Tanya seemed to be more than content sitting quietly in John’s lap. The two seemed to have already formed a bond with John ever so often smoothing the child’s hair.

John looked up to see Peter Benton approaching them. He nodded at the man that at one time had been his teacher and who was now his friend. John stood, lifting Tanya to balance her on the side of his hip. “Hey, there, Dr. Benton.” Benton stopped in front of John, taking note of the group sitting in the waiting room.

“Hey, Carter,” Benton said as a way of greeting. “The C-scan came back on your friend, and it looks as though his coma is due to swelling in his cranium when he impacted with the floor, hitting his head. The good news is that it’s going to be temporary. The swelling is already going back down, and there doesn’t seem to be any permanent damage to the tissue itself. We’ll know more when he wakes up about any other residual effects.” Peter Benton paused, knowing that the hard part was coming. “However, we did have to remove his spleen because of the bullet ricocheting off of a rib. He’s going to be sore as hell for quite a while, and he will need physical therapy to help regain his mobility. All in all, though, he was really very lucky. He should be fine.” Benton heard the collective sigh of relief as he said those words. Despite his sometimes-dispassionate personae, he loved to give good news to the friends and families of those he worked on.

“Great, Peter. That’s great,” John said, smiling and holding out his hand for Benton to shake. Peter grabbed his hand quickly and gave it a tight squeeze before turning and walking back out the way he came. John noticed that Bernie and Lois were standing and holding one another, the relief and happiness evident on their faces. Gary’s friends had begun talking excitedly; the happy chatter just a dull buzz to John’s ears as he thought of his lover. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to find his grandmother smiling at him. Still balancing Tanya on one hip, he put his other arm around her and gave her a hug. He couldn't stop smiling, and all of a sudden the tears sprang to his eyes. He knew that it was just everything overwhelming him for the moment, and he tried to not let the tears slip down his face. However, every emotion was raging through him at the moment, and he couldn’t stop himself from quietly crying.

The group of people seemed to move as a whole around Gary’s parents and him, each of them expressing how they felt that he would be okay. The sentiments were met with acceptance and gratitude from all three people. John didn’t seem to care so much that his and Gary’s friends knew that they were a couple. It was obvious that they had picked a stellar group to share in happiness and sorrow. John noted that this was a time of happiness. He couldn’t ever remember feeling better than he did in the moment when Peter Benton had told him that the most important person in the world to him was going to make a full recovery.

“Why are you crying?” asked the little girl, looking at him with serious eyes and a solemn expression on her face.

He smiled at the child, hoping that she hadn’t been upset by all of this, “It’s because I’m so happy,“ he said, ”that it couldn’t stop itself from running out of my eyes.”

“Oh,” said Tanya, frowning in thought. “Does that mean that you’re happy when your nose runs, too?” Every adult there burst into laughter, much to her confusion.

“Something like that,” said John, hugging her closely. He decided that it was time to get in there and see Gary. He battered a poor nurse into letting himself and Gary’s parents into the recovery room of the intensive care unit. Tanya clung to him as he tried to leave her in the waiting room with his grandmother, so he decided it best to take her with him.

They made their way silently to the partially hidden bed of Gary Hobson. He looked awful, and John heard Lois make a slight gasping noise at the sight of her son. There were circles under his eyes so dark that it looked as though both of them had been blacked. His skin was pale and waxy with a slight yellowish tint. There were tubes everywhere, sticking from various places along the man. The worst thing, however, was that Gary couldn’t even acknowledge that they were in the same room as he. This bothered all three of the people that stood there sullenly looking at the battered body before them.

“I’m staying here with him,” said John. Bernie and Lois just nodded at him. Gary’s mom bent down and kissed her son lightly on the forehead, and his dad took his hand carefully between both of his own. They both looked so defeated after actually having seen their son despite the assurances they’d all heard concerning his recovery status.

Bernie turned his wife away from her son’s still form, and stopped in front of John, saying quietly, “I’m going to get Lo out of here.” John nodded, seeing that that would be the best thing for the woman he’d come to like so much in such a short time. Bernie gently pulled his wife, guiding her away from the room. John stood there a moment with Tanya’s arms still around his neck, staring at the almost unrecognizable man before him. *He looks like something out of a sci-fi movie,* thought John. He’d never really noticed how all of the tubes and wires the hospital used to give life seemed to take all of the humanity out of the person they were helping.

He turned and walked quickly back out into the waiting room, and he saw, with the exception of Bernie and Lois, that the band of people had stayed to wait on him. “I’m staying here with Gary,” he said to the solemn crowd. He was met with a few nods and murmurs of good wishes, and once he had promised to call once anything had changed, he was left alone with Tanya and his grandmother.

“John,” Millicent said gently, resting a hand on his arm. “Are you sure it’s a good idea for you to stay here. You’re not looking well, and I’m sure you could use the rest.”

“I’ve got to stay here, Gamma,” he sighed. “I have to be here when he wakes up.”

“Well, then, at least make sure you eat, and, darling, try to get some rest.” She paused, looking at the child resting her head on John’s shoulder while still being held in his arms. “What about the little one?” She asked.

“I guess I’ll keep her with me until Social Services comes to get her. I’m not sure when that’ll be, though. They’re pretty backed up, and I told them I didn’t mind keeping an eye on her.”

“Why don’t you let me take her home with me? I’m sure that the system wouldn’t mind putting a child in the Carter home for a couple of nights, at least.” She’d seen the way both Tanya and John seemed to cling to one another. John had obviously already bonded with the girl.

John put her on the ground and kneeled to look into her face. He absent-mindedly brushed the stray blonde hair from her face. “Would you like that, sweetheart? My gamma has a really nice house. You’d get to have your own room, and Rosa would cook for you. It’s a nice place.” He wouldn’t make her go, but he really need to be alone for a while, and hoped that Tanya would want to leave with his grandmother.

She gazed up at John for a moment, and then looked timidly at the lady she didn’t know. “Will I be able to come back to see you?” She asked shyly.  
John breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, of course,” he assured her.

Tanya nodded at him, and stepped back further towards his grandmother, who took her hand. She stepped forward once more, and kissed her grandson on the cheek. “Remember to take care of yourself, John,” and with that, she led the little girl out of the building, leaving him there to sit with Gary.

John stood in the waiting room dumbly for a moment, then gulped down a breath of air. He picked up a blue plastic chair from the waiting room and took it back into intensive care. For a moment a nurse looked as though she was going to argue with him, telling him that he couldn’t stay. He just shook his head at her, and she bit her tongue. He moved the chair in close to Gary’s bed. He sat down in the uncomfortable chair, trying to make himself ready for the night. He slid his fingers through Gary’s, and leaned over to kiss the top of his head. “Hi,” John said softly, as though he were talking to someone merely sleeping. “I’m here, Gary. I’m holding your hand right now.” The tears threatened, and John fought to quell them back down. “Please, wake up, soon. I love you. I need to know you’re okay. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” John rested his head against the side of the bed, and fell asleep slumped forward in the chair.

“Well, well, isn’t this cute.” The sarcastic voice bolted John upright from his uneasy slumber. It was Robert Ramano. The man stood there taking in the scene, contempt in his eyes, with his hands placed on his hips. He shook his head at John. “Nope, Carter, never would’ve figured you for a….”

“A what?” John interrupted, his voice deadly calm, and his eyes narrowed. John’s attitude took Ramano by surprise. The man had obviously not considered the possibility that Carter would confront him for the smart remark he had been about to make.

Robert held his hands up to placate the distraught man before him, “Nothing, nothing. You’re not worth the law suit.” Ramano took the chart sitting at the foot of the bed, and read it carefully. “Looks like your boyfriend here is ready to be moved to his own room. I’ll send somebody in to move him.”

Carter had never really liked Ramano, but he knew he had to somehow thank him for saving Gary’s life. “Dr. Ramano,” he said, stopping the other man in his tracks. Ramano looked steadily at Carter, fully expecting a verbal berating for his attitude, but that’s not what he got. “I want to say thank you for what you did for Gary. It means a lot to me.”

The two men stood there regarding one another for a moment before Robert broke out into a genuine grin, “Anytime, Carter.” John’s mouth dropped open. Ramano’s face became stern again, but he had a mischievous twinkle in his eye. “Don’t look so surprised, Dr. Carter. I’m not really an asshole, you know. I just play one on t.v.” Upon those words, Robert Ramano turned and briskly walked out of the intensive care unit, leaving an open mouthed, slightly amused John Carter in his wake.

“Well, what do you know,” Carter muttered to himself. He was pondering just how surprising people could be when the orderly came in to help move Gary to a room. John helped the man disconnect all wires and tubes that would not be following them to the room, and then they pushed Gary’s bed and i.v.’s down the hall to the elevator. They got on the elevator and rode to the in-patient care ward. The two wheeled Gary to his assigned room and then got the unconscious man into his new bed. *I’ve really got to make him eat more,* thought John as he helped lift Gary from the gurney to the bed.

John was sitting in the armchair by the bed, waiting for any sign of stirring from his lover. The door to the room opened and in walked a woman from Social Services. “Excuse me,” she said hesitantly. “Are you doctor Carter? The nurse in the intensive care ward told me that I could probably find you here now.”

“Yes, I am. Is there something I can do for you?” He stood and walked over to the woman, and stuck out his hand for her to shake.

“I was told you found a little girl.” The woman took a quick inventory of the room, obviously looking for her. She frowned slightly when she saw no child anywhere in the room.

“Yes, that’s correct.” John ran a hand through his hair. “I sent her home with a family member of mine.” The woman looked mildly alarmed. John hoped he wasn’t going to get a lecture out of this. “It’s my grandmother, Millicent Carter. I really couldn’t see keeping her here with me all night.”

“Well, I’ll need to verify the girl’s whereabouts of course.” She took a pen and notepad from her purse.

“Of course,” said John, and he gave her his address, and the phone number, so that she could check on Tanya. They exchanged a few more words, and she left with the information that she needed. John sighed. He rubbed his face tiredly. The brief nap he’d had before Ramano had woken him hadn’t helped. He walked back over to the armchair and sat down. He took Gary’s still hand between both of his, turned it so that the palm faced up, and kissed it. He then folded the fingers over the palm, hoping that somehow Gary had recognized the small act of affection.

There was another small knock on the door, and Abby Lockhart stuck her head through, “Knock, knock,” she said.

“Come on in, Abby,” John said, giving her a weak smile.

“Hi, I just stopped by to see how you were doing.” She came fully into the room, and stood to his side by the bed.

“Oh, I’m fine, really,” he said. He looked up into her face, and voiced the fear he’d held inside all day. “I don’t know what I would do had I lost him.”

She crouched down next to his chair, and put a hand on his shoulder, “But you didn’t,” she said softly.

“I know, I know. It was just too close.” He sighed again, and took her hand. “I really don’t think I could live without him, Abby. He means so much to me.”

“Well, apparently you mean as much to him. He saved your life, John.”

John laughed slightly, “Yes, he did. But he’d step in front of a bus to save the lowest scum of the earth. It’s the way he is.” He looked into her face. “It’s why I love him.” *And yet, I have to ask him to leave it behind,* thought John unhappily.

“I know, Carter.” They stayed in silence for a few moments. “Hey,” she said, startling him. “A bunch of us are going over to Doc. Magoo’s later. Wanna come?” She made a little twisting motion toward him.

“No, thanks, Abby,” said John. “I think I’d rather stay here.”

“Well, at least let me bring something back for you then.” John started to protest, but Abby jumped back in. “Come on, Carter, you have to eat. Besides,” she added with a mischievous grin, “as much as you complain about him,” she gestured to the prone man, “not eating, you don’t really want to give me a reason to give him ammunition to use against you when you’re in full nag mode.”

“I don’t nag!” John proclaimed just as Luka Kovac was entering the room. Abby just winked at him. John sighed. “Okay, fine.” John stood to pull his wallet out of his back pocket.

“Don’t worry about it, Carter,” Luka Kovac held up a hand. “We’ve got it.”  
John looked at Luka curiously for a moment. The man looked almost nervous. He had this sheepish grin on his face. John shook his head befuddled, and the words came out before he could stop them, “But I thought you didn’t like me.” He covered his mouth with his hand, instantly wishing he could take the words back once he saw the hurt pass Luka’s face.

“No, it’s not that,” Luka said, frowning. “Let’s just say I was wrong about something, and now I need to apologize for it.” John’s confusion was evident, and even Abby was looking back at her boyfriend as though he’d just dropped in from another planet. Luka sighed. “I thought you were after Abby, Carter. I was jealous with the thought that she might leave me for you.” Luke shrugged. “I was wrong…”

Luka trailed off when he heard a slightly muffled snort come from Abby. She looked up at John and made the sound again. John stood there for a moment with his mouth hanging open as he processed what just happened. What did just happen, he thought to himself. He heard the strange sound come from Abby. He closed his mouth, and then the same noise came from him. He looked back over to Luka, who seemed to be baffled as to what was going on with them. Abby then doubled over, clutching her sides, laughing silently. John decided to join her at the other man’s expense. “Apparently,” said Abby through a fit of laughter.

This just made John laugh harder. “You mean to tell me,” he managed to gasp out, pointing a finger at Kovac, “that the reason you were giving me such a hard time is because you thought I was after your girl.” John wiped at the tears that had started to stream down his face from the exertion of laughing so hard.

“Well,” said Luka, floundering for something to say to make the situation right.  
“Yes,” he admitted, immediately turning a bright shade of red.

“Oh, whew!” said Abby, straightening herself. She, too, wiped at the tears that had flown from her eyes. “Come on, Oh Possessive One,” she said steering Luka back out the door. She threw over her shoulder as a way of exiting; “We’ll be back a little later, John. Just stay here.”

John sat back down on the chair next to Gary’s bed. He shook his head at what he’d just heard. All this time, he thought to himself, I could have saved myself one big headache. He looked at Gary and smiled. I just had to tell him that my boyfriend doesn’t share. He laughed silently at the thought of what Luka’s face would’ve looked like had he dropped that particular bombshell just a bit earlier.

A faint moan caught his attention. His eyes darted back to Gary who stirred a tiny bit. “Hey,” John said softly, standing from his chair. He stood over Gary, and placed a warm hand on the other man’s forehead, smoothing back his hair. Gary’s eyes fluttered open. John could see the stages that emotions took in those eyes. At first there was confusion, then remembrance, then comprehension, and finally fear and pain. “Shhh,” John said, placing his hands on both sides of Gary’s face. “It’s okay.” Gary’s dark eyes flitted over to him, and seemed to drink in every line of John’s body. It dawned on John what Gary was looking for, so he said, “I’m okay. You saved me.” He pulled the chair he’d been sitting in closer. Sitting, he asked, “Do you remember what happened?” Gary nodded slowly. “Good, that’s good.” John said reassuringly.

John reached over and pressed the call button. A few moments later, a nurse stepped through the door. John looked up at her. “He’s awake,” he said by way of explanation.

She nodded. “I’ll go get Dr. Ramano.” As she left, another nurse entered. She took down Gary’s current readings and added them to his chart at the foot of his bed.

“Well, well, well, let’s see what we have here,” Ramano snatched the chart from its resting-place. “Mmmhmm,” he said to himself perusing the paper’s contents. “Blood pressure and heart rate are good. He’s breathing on his own.” Ramano replaced the chart and walked closer to Gary. “Mr. Hobson, do you understand where you are and how you came to be here.” Gary nodded, glancing back at John who smiled at him. “Good. All right, I’m going to ask you to follow my finger with your eyes, just to make sure that blow to your head wasn’t any more serious than we thought.” He held up his right index finger and Gary followed it flawlessly. “Great. Now, I’m going to take out that tube that’s been down your throat. What I need for you to do is take a deep breath, and then when I tell you, cough. Can you do that?” Gary nodded again.

Dr. Ramano removed the tube from Gary’s throat. Once the tube was out, Gary immediately tried to talk to John. “Shhh,” said John, placing a finger on his lips. “Don’t try to say anything above a whisper. Your throat’s going to be pretty raw.”

“You okay?” was the first thing Gary managed to croak out.

John almost laughed. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” He took Gary’s hand in his, and it was squeezed fiercely much to John’s delight.

Ramano cleared his throat, and both men turned their attention back to him, but did not stop holding one another’s hand. “Well,” said Ramano, “we’re going to keep you here for a few days observation. Then once we release you, you’re going to have to go to physical therapy. I’ll have someone come in to explain the various do’s and don’ts for this period of time.” With a curt nod to both Hobson and Carter, Ramano turned and left.

John’s attention turned back to the man whose hand he was holding. “Hey, there.” He brushed Gary’s face. “You scared the hell out of me, you know.”

Gary’s pale face smiled wanly. John kissed the hand he held, and bowed his head down to try to hide the panic that was suddenly overwhelming him. Gary tugged at his hand, and John was forced to look back up. He saw love reflect out of every pore of Gary’s body. He took a deep breath, and forced it back out slowly through his teeth. He leaned over Gary and kissed him lightly on the lips. The taste of him was intoxicating. John kissed him again more deeply this time. He pulled away when a polite cough came through the room.

Gary blushed at being interrupted while kissing John. The physical therapist made her way further into the room. “Hi,” she said brightly, trying to relieve everyone’s embarrassment. “I’m Jennifer Samuels.” She stuck out her hand for both men to shake. “Dr. Ramano asked me to come in here to go over what we are going to have you be doing in order to get you back into peak condition.”

“Do you know when I’ll be getting out of here?” Gary asked immediately. John looked at his lover and laughed at his impatience.

John turned to him and said, “Gary, you’ve just been shot. Let’s give it another day at least.” Gary just groaned and flattened back against the pillows. John and Jennifer shared a brief smile. It seemed like there was at least one person out there who made a worse patient other than doctors themselves.

Jennifer began to go over the exercises that Gary would have to do so that his flexibility and agility would return. Both men listened and watched as she performed a few of them to demonstrate. John occasionally put in a comment on the benefits of one move over another, but both men were basically silent. Gary began to yawn and he soon had John doing the same thing. Jennifer said her good-byes and gave them her numbers so that they could reach her if they had any questions.

John had sat back down in the chair, and was resting his head on the side of Gary’s bed. Gary’s fingers rested on the back of his head, gently stroking his hair. He didn’t even realize when he’d dozed off, but the next thing he knew Luka and Abby were back with a bag of food, with a look between embarrassment and amusement.

John moved stiffly. Sitting forward in the chair had done nothing for his back troubles. Gary was sleeping lightly and stirred when John moved. He murmured in his sleep, and the words ‘John, I love you’ could be heard clearly. Everyone there blushed. *It’s a good thing that Gary’s asleep,* thought John. *Otherwise he’d be redder than anyone here would.*

Abby moved forward, holding the bag up for John to take from her. “Here,” she whispered. “We brought him something, too.” She nodded towards Gary. “We thought that he’d probably find it better than the food here.”  
John smiled at her, “Thanks, guys. I really appreciate it.”

Luka stepped forward and handed him a steaming cup of coffee. John took a sip immediately, and sighed gratefully. “Has he woken yet?” Luka asked.

“Yeah. Ramano’s already been here, and the physical therapist, too. I’ll probably get to take him home tomorrow.” The expression on his face was so happy that his two friends automatically smiled at him.

Gary began to stir again, and sleepily opened one eye. “Hey,” he said.

John was by his side at an instant. “Hey, there.” John set the bag of food and the cup of coffee on the bedside table. He took Gary’s hand in one of his, and reached out to smooth back his hair. Abby cleared her throat. John looked back up at them shocked. He’d actually forgotten they were in the room with the one syllable uttered by his love.

Gary looked over to the person who had made the noise. He saw a dark haired man and a pretty woman standing by the door. The man was trying to look at anything but the two men by the bed, and the woman had this amused little expression on her face. “Hi,” Gary said to them. “Are you friends of John’s?” He asked.

Abby stepped forward and stuck out her hand. “Hi,” she greeted the man in the bed. “I’m Abby Lockhart, and this” she pulled the dark haired man up to stand with her, “is Dr. Luka Kovac.”

Gary went to shake her hand when he realized that he was still holding John’s hand. He flushed slightly, “Sorry,” he said.

Abby frowned, “Don’t be.” She waved her hand in the air, gesturing all around here. “You’re just holding hands. That’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“She’s right,” Luka spoke for the first time. He stepped forward and held out his hand, which Gary promptly shook. “No one should be denied such simple acts of affection. If people have a problem with it, then they can always look elsewhere.”

Gary smiled up at John, then turned his attention back to the two other people in the room. “It’s nice to finally meet you,” he said. “John talks about the people he works with all the time, and it’s great to finally be able to put a face with a name.”

“The same goes for me,” Abby said. “All he talks about with me anymore is you.”

John stiffened a little bit, and put on mock indignance. “Do not,” he said.

“Yes, you do,” Abby laughed. “It’s Gary this, Gary that, Gary, Gary, Gary. I was beginning to think he’d made you up just to make me jealous.” Luka gave her an odd look, and Abby laughed again, making Gary join her.

“Ooh,” he groaned, clutching his side.

“What’s wrong,” John exclaimed excitedly.

“Nothing,” Gary tried to assure him. “I just don’t think I’m ready to laugh yet.” He smiled apologetically, and John let out the breath he hadn’t been aware that he was holding.

“Well, anyway,” Abby said as she and Luka were making their way back towards the door. “It was nice to meet you, Gary. Enjoy the food.” With that comment, they exited.

“Food?” Gary looked at John expectantly.

“Yeah, they got us both some from across the street. You hungry?” He asked. Gary nodded and John began to remove the food from the bag. There were two egg salad sandwiches and two cups of homemade vegetable soup. John handed one of each to Gary.

Gary took the offered items, setting the sandwich aside on the table he opened the lid to the Styrofoam cup containing the soup. The aromatic steam rose from the cup. Gary took a deep breath, and hummed contentedly. He was famished. He grabbed one of the plastic spoons, and scooped up some of the soup. He blew on it for a moment to cool it off some, and then slid the spoon into his mouth. He closed his eyes briefly, but opened them when he heard John chuckle. His lover was sitting on the side of his bed watching him intently. “What?” Gary asked, his eyebrows going up as he tried to think of what he’d done that was so funny.

“Nothing,” John said. He smiled and set the sandwich he’d opened back on its wrapper on the table. He leaned over closely to Gary, taking his hand.

John pressed his forehead against Gary’s letting a slight sigh escape. “Have I told you how very, very grateful I am that you’re going to be okay?” He sat back up and looked deeply into dark brown eyes that radiated such love, such caring. It was almost enough to take his breath away. “I love you,” he said simply. “I couldn’t bear to lose you.”

“I feel the same way.” Gary reached out and brushed John cheek. “I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you again. I’d never forgive myself.” His eyes were no longer focused on John, and he was gripping the hand that held his tightly. John knew he’d lost himself in the memory of that Valentine’s night fast approaching two years in the past.

“Hey,” John whispered softly bringing Gary back to him. He could see the sheen of unshed tears filling his eyes. “I survived that.” Gary diverted his gaze, but John brought his eyes back up to face him. “Listen to me when I say this because it’s the truest thing I’ve ever said.” John took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. “I survived that. I survived an addiction to painkillers and the humiliation that caused. But I’ll tell you this, Gary Hobson,” John brought the hand he’d captured up to his lips and put a brief kiss on the back of it. “Because of you, I have a reason to live again. Now, survival would not be enough for me. I’ve tasted real life again. I’ve experienced happiness and joy that mingles with sorrow and pain. I feel worry and relief over you.” Tears began to spill down his lover’s cheeks. He brushed them away gently. “You are the reason that I live again, Gary, you and no one else. I love you with my entire heart.”

Gary had remained quiet for the entire declaration of love. He felt that if John were to let go of him that he would float away from the sheer joy that pulsed through him. He had never in his life felt the way he felt about John Carter that he felt about anybody else. He’d had other loves, but nothing that compared to the devotion that he felt for the man now sitting beside him, studying him worriedly. He couldn’t stop the tears from coming, but he did smile through them anyhow. He clasped John’s hand tighter, “It’s happiness,” he whispered, not being able to use his full voice. “It’s joy.” The light of understanding began to cross John’s features and a pure golden smile broke onto his face. Gary motioned for John to move forward, and captured his lips briefly. “I love you so much.”

They rested together with their fingers entwined, and their foreheads pressed together. John could feel Gary’s warm breath on his neck, and could feel the occasional flicker of a dark eyelash across his cheek. They sat there for a brief moment, and then both of their stomachs let them remember what they’d been doing just before. John chuckled and handed Gary’s cooling soup back to him while he took back his own sandwich.

“At least I don’t have to force you to eat.” John smiled as he watched Gary devouring his soup at a rapid pace.

Gary frowned, “I eat.” He replied.

“Irregularly, and I have to make you do that.” John put on mock exasperation.

“Do not,” said Gary trying to be obstinate, but a small smile played on his lips. “Besides, you’re a good one to talk.”

John scoffed at him very dramatically, “Me?! I’ll have you know I eat three balanced meals a day,” he placed his hands on his hips as he stood, “and no one has to force me to do it.”

“John, I don’t think chocolate candy bars for breakfast counts as a balanced meal,” Deb Chen had walked in unbeknownst to the two men bantering playfully. She looked at both of them, and smiled warmly. She liked John, and had always hoped he’d find happiness one day. Looking at how the two of them shone when they were in the other’s presence confirmed that Gary Hobson was definitely ‘it’ for John. “Hi, I’m…..” she began, but John cut her off.

“Deb,” he interjected, while she glared at him. He just smiled at her innocently. “This is Deb Chen. Deb,” he gestured towards the bed, “this is Gary.”

Gary shook her hand. “If I don’t call you Deb, can I get out of here tonight?”

“No!” Both doctors reacted quickly.

Gary sighed, “Okay, Deb it is then.”

She looked at both of them for a moment, and saw the fun they were having at her expense, so she decided to play back a little. She pointed towards the obviously non-hospital issued food. “Does Benton or Ramano know you’re eating that?” She inquired doing her best ‘I’m all business’ personality.

Gary’s eyes widened slightly, and he pouted. He seemed so pitiful that Deb knew right then and there that John had his work cut out for him when it came to winning an argument. “It’s only soup,” he looked up at her mournfully. If John had been able to contain his laughter, Gary would have been able to pull off the ruse. Deb looked at both of the snickering men sharply before she herself lost her composure.

Gary clutched at his side, “No,” he gasped for air. “Don’t make me laugh.” A pained expression flitted across his face, and that was enough to stop the two others from laughing.

“You okay?” John immediately went to Gary’s side, and was feeling his pulse.

“Yeah,” Gary said weakly. “I’m just a little sore.” He smiled wanly. Then he smiled even bigger, “Can I have my soup back before it gets completely cold?”

He looked over to Deb who just smiled at him, “I’ll never tell,” she said and with a wave went back out to attend to her rounds.

John handed Gary back his soup and the two began to finish their meal in companionable silence, each one taking comfort in the other. By the end of their meal, Gary was yawning so much that John began doing it. “Okay,” John said placing their empty containers and wrappers in the garbage. “I know when I’m defeated. Sleep it is.”

Gary’s eyes were already closing, but he opened them to look at John. “John, help me move over just a bit.”

“Hmm,” John turned his attention back to Gary, “why?” He asked.

“So you don’t have to sleep in that chair.” Gary nodded to the offending piece of furniture. He saw that John was about to protest, so he uttered a small, “Please,” to be sure that John would melt. That was all it took. Soon John was helping him move to one side of the bed, getting all of the IV's situated so that neither man would bother them in the night. He slid onto the empty side of the bed, resting on his right side, facing Gary. He traced Gary’s face with a feather light touch. His eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply. He’d already fallen asleep. John placed a small kiss on his cheek before he closed his own eyes and drifted off.

Millicent Carter led the small child beside her down the hall to the hospital room where her grandson was keeping vigil. She walked into the room and was greeted by the sight of two sleeping men. Gary, looking very pale with tubes and wires everywhere, had his hand clasped firmly by John. John was curled around the injured man, his left hand resting in Gary’s hair.

Tanya immediately broke the other woman’s grasp and rushed to John’s side. She reached out a tentative tiny hand and touched his arm. John sat bolt upright in the chair, blinking his eyes in rapid succession trying to clear his vision. Tanya had taken a step backwards at the sudden movement, but as soon as John focused on her and smiled, she rushed forward again.

John picked up the child and held her in his lap. She leaned back against his chest, and he rested his chin atop her head while they both watched the man sleeping in the hospital bed. “Your friend got hurt?” She asked with instant sympathy in her voice.

“Yes, he was hurt yesterday real bad.” John replied. Tanya had turned to look at him, and when John saw her bottom lip quiver, he hastily added, “But he’s going to get better soon.”

That seemed to quell the tears that had threatened to spill down her pale face.  
They both turned back to their quiet contemplation of the prone form. Millicent watched from her position behind her grandson as Tanya turned and whispered in John’s ear. John blushed a bit, and chuckled slightly at what the girl had said. “Yes,” he replied. “Yes, he is very pretty.” John’s agreement seemed to make Tanya very happy.

Millicent stepped forward and rested a light hand on John’s shoulder. “We came to see if you wanted to come have breakfast with us.” She said indicating that the invitation came from both her and Tanya.

John hesitated. He was starving this morning, but he didn’t want to leave just in case Gary woke up. He was sitting there with Tanya still in his lap trying to decide what to do when he heard Gary faintly say, “Who are you?” John looked up to see Gary peering at them with one sleepy eye cracked open. His question had been directed at Tanya as they both stared at the other one.

“My name’s Tanya,” she said.

“Oh,” Gary said as if he’d just gotten the last piece of the puzzle. “Hi, Tanya, I’m Gary.”

“Hi,” she smiled shyly.

Gary looked to John and smiled sweetly through his drug-induced sleepiness. “Gary, love, listen to me,” John said quietly. “I’m going to go out to breakfast with Gamma and Tanya here.”

“’kay,” was the only response he got since Gary was already falling back asleep.

John stood up and balanced Tanya on one hip as he leaned over and kissed Gary softly on the lips. He hadn’t thought anything of what he’d done until he looked back at Tanya who was looking awfully confused. She pursed her lips in a slight frown as she turned her thoughts inward. John looked sharply at his grandmother for an indication of what he should do. She just shrugged her shoulders. He turned his attention back to Tanya. He hadn’t meant to do anything to make the child uncomfortable, and he was afraid of what the repercussions would be if she was uncomfortable.

Tanya just looked at him thoughtfully and asked in that direct manner that children are only capable of, “You love him?” John thought she sounded almost hopeful.

He sighed, “Yes, yes, I do.” All he received was a nod in return. He quirked an eyebrow and grinned at Millicent who smiled back at him.

The trio made their way quietly out of the hospital. “Have you heard from the Hobsons?” John asked as he got into the car after he buckled Tanya securely in the back.

Millicent had decided to drive herself for a change, and she turned to look at her grandson in the passenger seat. “Yes, I contacted them this morning to see if they would like to join us. They seemed very flustered, which I of course thought was understandable.” Millicent frowned as she thought about the conversation. “I was speaking to Lois, and I could hear her husband in the background saying something about they had to go and take care of the paper. Then I heard this cat meowing loudly, and Lois made excuse after excuse to her and her husband out of eating this morning.” She turned her gaze back to John’s direction. John kept his face impassive, not letting the fact that he had inside knowledge show. “Now, John, I don’t mean to be rude, and they produced such a lovely young man in Gary, but Lois and Bernie Hobson are very odd indeed.”

John smiled at her, and said, “Not odd, Gamma, but special.” He thought to his first meeting with them, and how accepting they’d been of him. It wasn’t just acceptance, though. They seemed genuinely happy that Gary was with him. It made John’s heard lighter to think of the kind of support that his lover had in his family and friends. *We’ll get through this,* he thought to himself. *Everyone else will make sure we get through it.*

They pulled into a small diner that was near the hospital. Once inside amidst the smells of the various foods, John stomach let out an appreciative rumble. He laughed, remembering the first time he’d met Gary. His breakfast companions just looked at him blankly. He waved a hand, signifying that it was of no concern.

A waitress walking by with a coffeepot in her hand said, “Just take a seat anywhere for now folks, and I’ll be with you in a moment with a booster seat.”

John and Millicent led Tanya to a booth by the window. Millicent sat on one side while John and Tanya sat on the other, with John being near the aisle. The two adults perused the menus at the table while John got Tanya to tell him what she liked to eat. The waitress that had greeted them earlier returned as promised with a booster seat in her hand for Tanya. John picked up the child and got her situated so that she would actually be able to reach the table.

“Good morning,” the woman said brightly, clicking out a pen and whipping out a small pad of paper, “My name’s Jean. What can I get for you today?” The woman was cheery, but it was apparent that she was dead on her feet. John suspected she’d been on the night shift of this twenty-four hour diner.

Millicent nodded at the woman, gaining her attention. She placed her order for an omelet, dry toast, and coffee. John in turn ordered eggs sunny-side up, sausage, bacon with a side order of biscuits and gravy, and was going to wash it all down with coffee. John placed an order for Tanya for pancakes and a glass of milk.

Once the waitress had disappeared to give their order to the cook, Millicent looked at John and smiled, “A little hungry this morning, are we, John?”

John flushed slightly and ducked his head. “Yeah, starving actually.” He replied. He yawned, covering his mouth with his hand.

“Didn’t you get enough sleep last night?” She asked him pointedly, although she already knew the answer.

“It’s not the matter of getting enough sleep,” John explained, “as it is getting a restful sleep.” John shuddered as he remembered what image had played through his mind the entire night. He’d seen Gary covered in blood over and over again, and there’d been nothing any of them could do for him. In John’s nightmare, Gary had died surrounded by a pool of his own blood.

“He’s going to be all right, John,” Millicent said softly. She silently prayed that the turn of events didn’t prove to be a detriment to John’s own recovery as an addict. She’d never forgive herself for turning a blind eye on Chase when it was obvious that he had problems that he’d been struggling with.

Their breakfasts arrived in short order and John immediately began to cut Tanya’s pancakes into bit size pieces for her. He heard a small chuckle escape his grandmother, and he looked up at her with a frown. She held up a hand, and finished chewing the bite she’d had in her mouth, “I’m sorry,” she said as she looked from the child to John, “but I never expected that you’d take on the part of father so easily.”

John was going to argue, but then he realized that he had a fork and knife still poised over the pancake he’d been cutting. Instead of arguing he just turned to her and said, “Thank you, Gamma. I think that was a compliment.”

“It was, John. It was.” John completed his task by finally covering the pancake with the syrup that had been brought. He then slid the plate back over to Tanya where she began to happily munch away. He began to eat his own food, and was surprised to discover that it was quite good. He happened to glance up at his grandmother between bites. She had this strange half smile on her face as she looked at the duo sitting across from her. John had a feeling she was plotting something, but shrugged it off as paranoia.

“So,” he said, breaking the silence. “They’re probably going to be releasing Gary into my care today.” He received a nod from Millicent that told him to continue. “I’ve worked it out with Kerry Weaver, so that I can take all of my personal days right now to take care of him.”

“That’s wonderful, John. I’m sure he wouldn’t get better care anywhere else.” John smiled at the compliment on his skills as a doctor. He didn’t get them very often from his family about his profession.

“Are you and Gary going to come and stay with Mil’cent and me?” Tanya asked around the bite of food in her mouth.

John thought briefly about the pros and cons of staying in the Carter household while Gary was still convalescing, but he didn’t really think his lover would go for the idea. So he shook his head, “No, honey, I don’t think so.”

“Then can I come stay with you?” She asked, pouting pitifully. “I can help take care of Gary.” She said proudly.

John laughed. He really did like this little girl. She smiled back at him. John thought of her question. It occurred to him that while Gary didn’t have an extra bedroom, John would still really prefer Tanya to stay with them. He nodded and said, “We’ll see what we can work out.” Both Tanya and his grandmother gave him beaming smiles.

John rode back to the hospital in silence. He was lost in thought about how Gary was going to react to him bringing a child into his apartment. He could tell that Gary genuinely liked kids, but they made him nervous. Their innate curiosity about everything does little to quell the fears of a man who has a secret to keep. Just thinking about the paper turned John’s mood sour. He was at a loss as to how to ask Gary to give up the paper for him. He really didn’t think he could bear it if anything else happened to the man he loved.

“John?” Millicent said to get her grandson’s attention. When John turned from looking out the window to face her, she could see the frown on his lips and the intense worry in his eyes. “Is anything wrong?” She asked quickly.

John sighed, “It’s just something Gary and I will have to work out, Gamma.”

“Well, I hope that whatever it is, you two resolve it quickly.”

“So do I,” John mumbled, ducking his head.

Millicent pulled the car into a parking spot in the hospital parking garage, and turned her full attention on her grandson, “I’m sure that everything will be just fine,” she said vehemently. John slumped forward a little in his seat, not meeting her gaze any longer. She touched his shoulder. “John, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s in love. It’s as strong and as true as the love you feel for him. You can see it in his eyes, John,” she tried her best to reassure him.

John looked up at her with such anguish on his face; “What if love isn’t enough?” He whispered.

She placed a soft hand in his cheek, “Love is always enough, John. You just have to place everything else under its power.”

John gave her a weak smile, and opened the door to get out of the car. He quickly unbuckled Tanya, and had her standing beside him before he noticed that Millicent hadn’t vacated the automobile. He ducked back down to the window, “Gamma?”

“I’m sorry, John, but can you keep Tanya with you for right now. I have an appointment with Mr. Andrews to keep.”

“Yeah, okay,” John frowned. He felt his sneaking suspicion that his grandmother was up to something when she mentioned that she was going to their family’s lawyer. He watched her drive back out onto the street. He sighed, and clasped Tanya’s hand with his and led her back into the hospital.

John made his way up to Gary’s room with the little girl in tow. When he got there, however, Gary was nowhere to be found. He strode quickly up to the nurses on the floor. “Excuse me,” he said, gaining the attention of one of them. “But do you know where I can find Gary Hobson. He’s the GSW victim in room 409.”

“Oh, the dark haired gentleman?” She pursed her lips in thought, “Yes, Jennifer Samuels came by after he woke up and has him up and about to check his mobility. In fact,” she smiled, looking behind John, “they’re right behind you.”  
John turned to see Gary, looking awfully pale, but standing on his own without any help from the physical therapist, who was looking completely pleased with herself. Gary saw John standing there and smiled breathtakingly. John couldn’t help but return the smile, feeling serenely happy at seeing his lover up and about.

Jennifer turned to Gary and said something that John couldn’t make out, but Gary nodded at her and turned to go into his room. Jennifer walked over to where John was standing, “Hello, Dr. Carter,” she greeted.

“Ms. Samuels,” John nodded at her.

“Please call me Jennifer,” she replied.

“John,” he said, taking away the formality of calling one another by their respective last name.

“John,” she said. “He looked good, didn’t he? He’s doing better than any patient I’ve had so soon after a trauma.”

“Yeah, he looked great. He’s not complaining too much for you, is he?” John smiled at her, remembering all the times Gary had been hurt and John had to take care of him. The man made a worse patient than anyone else John knew.

“Nah,” she waved a hand at him. “I bribed him.” She smiled wickedly.

John was confused. “Bribed? With what?”

“I told him that if he was good, and did everything I told him that he’d get out of here today.”

“But he was going to get out today anyway. We’d already gone over that.” John frowned.

“I know that. You know that, but he didn’t remember,” she grinned at him.  
John found himself smiling, too. Jennifer wasn’t too bad at keeping Gary in line. She could be useful if John ever found himself faced with the man who could be very snarky when ill or hurt.

Tanya tugged at his hand, “John,” she whispered up at him. “Are we going to go see Gary now?”

He looked down at her. She looked so hopeful that he just had to smile at her, “Yes, we’re going to go see Gary now.”

She smiled joyfully, “Is he going to get to come home with us?”

“Yes, in a little while.” That earned him a frown, but she held her tongue.

“Who’s the little girl?” He’d almost forgotten Jennifer’s presence. The woman knelt in front of the child and smiled at her brightly. “She yours?” She asked John.

He shook his head, “No, but she’s going to be staying with us for a while.”

“I’m going to live with John and Gary,” Tanya affirmed shyly.

John blushed slightly at the bemused expression that took over Jennifer’s face. She opened her mouth and looked at John as if she were going to say something, but then thought better of it and snapped it back closed. Instead, she turned her attention back towards Tanya, “Well, sweetheart, I’m Jennifer. What’s your name?”

“Tanya,” she replied.

“That’s a pretty name.” Tanya began to squirm under the scrutiny. Jennifer turned on a high wattage smile. “Well, I think Gary should be dressed in his own clothes and ready to see you both.” Both Tanya and John almost ran over Jennifer as they made their way to Gary’s room.

True to Jennifer’s word, Gary sat on the bed in his room, looking completely bored. His clothes didn’t look quite right, though. John recognized Lydia’s handiwork. The ER nurse must have outfitted Gary in something more suitable than his own bloodstained clothing would have been. “Hi,” John said quietly.

Gary smiled at him, “Hi, I’ve been told that I’m going to be set free here shortly.”

John hid his smile behind a mask of consternation. “Now, I don’t know about that, love. You’ve been seriously injured. They might want to keep you for a while for observation.” Gary looked at him in horror. John walked over to the bed and kissed him lightly on the forehead, “Just kidding, Gary. You’ve been granted your pardon.”

Gary noticed the little girl he’d seen earlier that morning clasping John’s hand tightly, and looking up at him with the bluest eyes he’d ever seen. *She is like a porcelain doll,* thought Gary. He thought that she looked so frail that a strong wind would break her.

John noticed Gary and Tanya in their staring contest. He picked Tanya up and sat her on the bed next to Gary, “This is Tanya,” he said.

“Yeah, I remember,” Gary replied, obviously as fascinated with the child as John was.

“One thing you don’t know though is that Tanya’s going to be staying with us for a while.” John bit his bottom lip worriedly. He didn’t know how Gary was going to react to that bit of news.

“Oh, okay,” was all the other man said.

John maneuvered the trio home to Gary’s loft, wondering if it might not have been best to take his grandmother up on her offer of staying at the Carter household. Gary was struggling with staying awake when the car pulled up in front of McGinty’s. John had made sure to give him a dose of the prescribed painkiller before leaving the hospital. He shivered slightly thinking of the small bottle of pills now residing in his pocket. John was very determined that Gary would not suffer from the same pitfalls that had overcome him.

John parked the vehicle. He then walked to the passenger side of the car, letting Tanya out of the back first. He carefully opened the front passenger door; quickly getting his hand inside to support Gary who had tipped to the side once the door was open. “Hey, Gary,” John said softly as he unbuckled the mostly sleeping man. “I need to know if you’re going to be able to stand and walk inside with me.” John knew that if he needed to, he could carry Gary into his apartment, but he also knew that would pull Gary’s stitches. He didn’t want to cause Gary any unnecessary pain.

Gary focused drug induced sleepy eyes on him, and forced a weak smile, “Yeah, I think I’ll be able to make it.”

John eased the man out of the car supporting him with a shoulder under Gary’s arm. He was extremely careful about not touching Gary’s injured side. Tanya was waiting patiently by the door, and Gary called out to her, “Go ahead, sweetheart. It should already be open.” John looked at his watch and realized that Marissa would’ve already opened up for the lunch crowd.

Tanya walked in, and then turned holding the door open for the two men following behind her. “Hey, Gar,” they both heard Chuck’s familiar voice shout. They immediately had a swarm of people surrounding them, all shouting questions at the same time.

Gary began to sag against John, so his voice rang out above the cacophony of noise, “Hey, guys, I need to get him upstairs now, so the questions are going to have to wait.” The crowd dissipated as quickly as it had formed. The two men moved slowly towards the door that led to the loft with a small child in tow. “Hey, Tanya,” John said and she was instantly at his side. “Do you think you can go to that door up ahead and open it for us?” Tanya nodded and ran ahead to open the door wide. John smiled as he watched her stand on tiptoes to reach the handle. His smile vanished and a frown replaced it when he realized what awaited them. *Damn, stairs,* he silently cursed his forgetfulness of something that should have been obvious. “Gary,” he whispered to the very pale man clinging to him. Just getting this far had obviously wiped him out. “I’m going to have to carry you up the stairs. This might pull your stitches a bit.” Gary just nodded that he understood. John kept one arm around his waist, and bent to put the other behind Gary’s knees before scooping him up. Gary hissed slightly at the pain shooting through his side, but didn’t say anything else. John quickly made his way up the stairs with Tanya in tow. He got to the door of the apartment and was just about to set Gary down so that he could open it when it was flung open by Lois Hobson.

“Oh, Gary, honey,” was all she said as she moved back to allow John to carry her son into the room. John moved swiftly and deposited Gary onto the bed. He heard Lois’ surprised gasp behind him as she said, “Oh, hello.”

John turned and saw Tanya gazing shyly up at the other woman, “Hi,” she said. He smiled at her and turned his attention back to Gary. Gary had just barely made it onto the bed before lapsing into unconsciousness. John frowned and took Gary’s pulse and checked his respiration. Satisfied that it was probably just a combination of the exertion and the pain medication that had caused the dark haired man to sleep deeply. He smoothed back his hair, frowning when he felt a slight fever had started. He made a mental note to get Gary to take some antibiotics when he woke. Gary moved into John’s touch, sighing contentedly. John smiled and pulled a blanket over the sleeping man.

He looked back to Lois and Bernie who had taken up residence on the couch. He rubbed the palms of his hands into his weary eyes. Sighing, John went over to take a seat next to the two elder Hobsons. Tanya immediately sprang to his side. John lifted her into his lap.

“So I see you still have your new friend,” Lois said with a slight smile, indicating Tanya.

John smiled back at Gary’s mom, “Yeah,” he said. Tanya rested her head against John’s chest. His arms went around her waist as he put his chin on the top of her head. “Social services has agreed to let the Carters keep her for a while.”

Tanya twisted slightly, “I thought I was staying with you and Gary.” She pouted up at him.

“You are staying with Gary and me. My last name is Carter.” He explained to her. She seemed to be satisfied with his answer.

Bernie interrupted, “John, I just want to say thank you.” Lois was nodding in agreement, but John frowned as he looked at them.

“Thank me? I don’t understand.”

“For being here for Gary. For taking care of Gary.” The married couple across from him looked at one another and sighed. “Gary thinks that he can take care of the entire world, and when he finds out that there are some things that are beyond his control, it devastates him.” Bernie clasped John’s shoulder as he continued. “My son loves you so dearly.” John’s eyes began to shine with unshed tears. “You are the one thing in his life that makes it worth living.”

“But he has the two of you, and Marissa, and Chuck, and…”

“We’re not enough,” Lois interrupted. When she saw John begin to protest again, she continued hurriedly, “Don’t get me wrong. I know that Gary loves us, and I know that he knows that we love him.” She sighed, trying to pick exactly the right words to make John understand. “John, in your line of work, you have to see things that make you think the absolute worst of humanity.” John nodded for her to continue when she paused. “So does Gary. He sees these things every day. It was destroying him slowly, and then you came along. Now, no matter how much he sees that is bad in this world, he has one bright and shining thing to hold onto. This is his love for you and your love for him. In his eyes, you make everything right in the world just by existing. For him, you are enough to take on all of the bad.”

John sighed, pressing his cheek to the top of Tanya’s head. He looked back up at Bernie and Lois. “I can’t lose him.” He said, as the tears he’d been holding in escaped. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can stand to watch him get hurt by the mysterious powers-that-be that sends him the paper every morning, but how do I ask him to give it up? How do I ask him to not be who he is?”

“I don’t really know what to tell you, John,” Lois said after a moment. She placed a hand on the young man’s arm. “But please, don’t let this tear you two apart. So many people have left him because of the paper, and I know that after you, he won’t take the chance of getting close to anyone else.”

The two elder Hobsons saw the exhaustion taking over John Carter. “Well,” Bernie said as he stood, “Lo and I are going to go back to the hotel for now. Call us if you need anything. We’ll be back tomorrow to take care of the paper.”

John nodded mutely, too tired to put up any kind of a fuss over what they said. He saw them to the door, muttering good-byes as he felt his eyes start to close involuntarily. He shut the door behind the Hobsons, and turned to see Tanya peering up at him, “Hi, sweetie,” he said through a yawn. “How about a nap?”

“’Kay,” she replied.

John made his way around the studio apartment, gathering linens to make the couch comfortable enough to sleep on. He got a pillow off the bed for her to use and fluffed it. Placing her on the makeshift bed, he covered her in a light blanket. “There you go,” he said gently. “Is that comfortable enough?” The child just nodded at him. He smiled, “Good. Now, if you need anything, just come and wake me up, okay?”

“Okay, John.” They both yawned at the same time, causing them to laugh quietly.

John tucked her in, and made his way over to the bed with his sleeping lover. He lay behind Gary, spooning next to him. Carefully not touching his injury, John wrapped an arm around him. Gary snuggled closer, sighing. John smiled into Gary’s hair as he inhaled his scent deeply. Within moments, he was fast asleep.  
John woke two hours later feeling refreshed. Because it was near winter, he found that it was already twilight outside, which caused a soft glow to come through the windows. He kissed Gary softly on the cheek. The other man didn’t even stir, so great was his need to heal which caused him to sleep more deeply.

John smiled down at him as he untangled his limbs from Gary’s. Gary turned to face the side that John had been on, throwing his arm out as though he were looking for him.

John made his way to the bathroom, and when he returned, he saw that Tanya had woken up. “Hey, angel,” he whispered. She just blinked at him sleepily. “You still sleepy?” He asked. She nodded. “You want to sleep in the bed?” She yawned and nodded again. “Okay,” he picked her up, and dropped her onto the side of the bed that he’d been occupying just a moment before. He covered her again, and found that she’d already fallen back to sleep.

He made his way back to the couch after stopping to pick up the book he’d started to read several times, turned on a lamp on the end table, and began to read. After a couple hours of reading, it was completely dark outside, and John’s stomach rumbled with lack of food. He decided that his best option was to just cook something simple that was already in the apartment. He made his way to the small kitchen, and began to rummage through cabinets in search of something to fix. He pulled out a few cans of stew, and pulled out a pan to cook them in. He also got out some lunchmeat so he could make so he could make open faced, grilled sandwiches.

The delicious smells emitted from the kitchen began to break into Gary’s subconscious. He shifted, and when the slight pang shot up through his side, he opened his eyes. Instead of John’s brown, the startling clear blue eyes of a child were looking at him intently. He recognized the girl, and smiled at her, still a little drowsy. “Hi, Tanya,” he said.

“Hi,” she sucked on her thumb for a minute. “Are you all better now?”

“Soon,” he replied to her. He was absolutely fascinated by her. She had no fear of John or apparently of him either. He wanted to know all about how John had found her. He frowned as he thought about what might have happened to her. Then he began to wonder how they’d wound up being able to keep her, and his frown deepened. He’d have to ask John later. He still smelled food cooking, and he began to salivate. He was starving. He smiled again at Tanya, “You hungry?” He asked. She nodded vigorously.

“Hey, you two,” John called from the kitchen as he saw the movement and heard the whispering. “Food’s almost ready. Stay there. I’ll bring a tray.”

“Okay,” Gary called back over his shoulder. He moved slowly as he sat up. He pressed his back to the wall against a pillow that he’d propped up. Tanya sat also, but turned so that she could face him. She smiled up at him, and he smiled back at her instantly.

True to his word, John had a tray full of steaming bowls and plates of food ready to be devoured. “Okay, now Tanya, I need you to sit like Gary is.” The child complied quickly, placing her back against the wall. He set the tray in front of her so that she would be able to reach the food on it. “It’s very hot,” he warned.  
“You’ll probably need to blow on it.”

“Okay,” she said as she began to blow on all the food on the tray. Both John and

Gary laughed simultaneously, which caused the girl great distress as she tried to figure out exactly what was so funny.

Gary reached for a bowl of the stew, and winced slightly at the pulling sensation in his side. John looked at him questioningly, but he shook his head. He would be able to feed himself. He just needed to be careful of how quickly and in which direction he moved. He held the bowl in his hand, luxuriating in the heat it radiated. He picked up the spoon. Watching Tanya mirror his actions out of the corner of his eye, he spooned up a bite of the stew, and blew on it. Tanya mimicked his every move. When Gary would take a bite of the stew, Tanya would take a bite of stew. When he set the bowl down in favor for some of the sandwich, she followed suit. John watched the two as he ate his own food with not just a little amusement. Soon, the three had glutted themselves on every available scrap on the tray. John took it back to the kitchen, and placed the dishes in the sink after rinsing them to be washed at a later time.

John came back and sat back down on the bed. Everyone was pleasantly comfortable after having slept and eaten. John looked about him, and realized that this was home to him. His home, with Gary. His heart, with Gary.

He got up and poured a glass of water. Retrieving an antibiotic and another pain-killer for his lover, John handed the pills and glass to the man reclining on a pillow, talking softly to a child. John had heard snippets of their conversation. Gary had been asking her where her parents were. He’d seen the quickly masked pained expression come across Gary’s face as the little girl explained that she didn’t know where they were. Gary held out his hand and took the pills without complaining, which let John know how much he really was hurting.

The hours passed with the three talking, and ended with Gary telling Tanya a bedtime story before John took her to brush her teeth and tucked her back in on the couch. She was asleep quickly and John just watched her for a moment before he turned back to the bed.

“She’s the sweetest thing I ever saw,” whispered Gary as John crawled back into bed with him.

“Yeah,” John said as he snuggled in close to Gary. John reached out a finger and traced Gary’s lips before leaning in to nip the lower one gently. Gary sighed as John pulled back and whispered, “but you know what?”

“Hmm?” Gary smiled sleepily as the pain medication he’d taken earlier took full effect.

John rubbed his nose against Gary’s, and smiled sweetly. “You know what?” He said again. “I think that you’re the sweetest thing I ever saw.”

Gary smiled, and the last thing he muttered before he slipped into unconsciousness was, “I love you.”

John hugged him tighter to his body, “I love you, too.”

The weeks passed quickly. Soon the mob that had come to Gary’s side when he was injured had dwindled down to just his parents. John had watched his lover silently as he started taking back over his duties with the paper from his parents. John had been surprised with the ease that they’d handed back over, despite the fact that they knew how closely their son had come to losing his life because of it so many times. Then he’d been alone with Gary as the Hobsons went back home to Hickory, Indiana.

John’s grandmother had pulled some strings and gotten John temporary custody of Tanya until a more permanent arrangement could be made. John had a sneaking suspicion that the elder Carter was up to something, but he found himself dwelling on that less and less as the trio settled into a domestic routine. Tanya had started pre-school, again arranged by Millicent Carter. By all accounts, Tanya was very bright, and she excelled in the school.

John and Gary both doted on the girl. They had made a family together, and John was even thinking of asking Gary to buy a house with him, so that they had more space.

Halloween had snuck up on John, and he had been surprised by Gary with Tanya in tow at work. Gary had actually dressed the child up for trick-or-treating. John had laughed out loud when he saw her as a red Crayola crayon. Gary had painted her face completely red, and she had this red sackcloth on with the Crayola logo written in black on it. The ensemble was completed with a red pointy cap to create the tip of the crayon on top of her head.

“I think it’s terrific.” He exclaimed at the costume. “Where’d you get it.”

Gary looked at him and blushed, “I made it for her.” John stood with his mouth open for a minute before Gary finished with, “while you were at work.”

“Oh,” he said. Gary fidgeted, and Tanya looked from man to man, very confused.

“I like it.” She said trying to break the silence. “I think it’s pretty.” Both of the men looked at her, then at each other and broke out laughing.

“It is pretty, sweetheart.” John said.

“Are you ready to go trick-or-treating now?” Gary asked and she beamed at him.  
Abby Lockhart was passing by, and saw Gary, John and Tanya, “Hey, guys,” she said coming over.

“Hey, Abby,” John said.

“Hi, there,” Abby said dropping to one knee in front of Tanya. “Great costume. You ready to get some candy?” Tanya nodded. Even though she was very open with John and Gary, she became quite shy.

“Hey, I know,” exclaimed John. “Would you like to go through some of the wards here before we go out? Most of the nurses bring in something to give to kids.”

“Yeah,” said Abby, getting very excited at the thought of being able to watch the two men in action with the little girl. She saw such potential there, but had thus far kept her opinions to herself.

Gary looked at John suspiciously, but his lover just smiled at him innocently. Gary shrugged, and the three began to make their way through the halls.

As John told the umpteenth person that Gary had made Tanya’s costume, Gary knew that he’d been set up. By the time Abby let them leave, Gary’s ears were burned permanently scarlet, and he’d blushed practically the entire time. The nurses had cooed over Tanya, and over Gary’s costume. Tanya walked out of County General, her bag practically already full of treats.

Gary and John walked with Tanya through various neighborhoods of Chicago collecting candy. Gary turned to John and said, “Did I ever tell you about the time that I was kidnapped by two girls who said they were witches and needed a warlock to bring back their third sister?”

John looked at Gary, he didn’t know whether he was kidding or not. “Are you serious?”

“Mmm-hmm. It took me most of the night to convince them that I wasn’t a warlock. I don’t know, though. I think maybe they were actually witches. I think they saved Spike’s life.” Gary rubbed the back of his neck absent-mindedly. He really wanted to hold John’s hand, but they were in public.

John seemed to sense his lover’s problem, and brushed up against his side.  
“Hey, I know what we should do. Tanya doesn’t have class tomorrow, and I don’t have to work. Why don’t we go to Gamma’s right now and surprise her.”

“Sure. That sounds good to me.” Gary collected Tanya. She held his hand as they made their way back to McGinty’s to change her out of her costume.

After changing, and washing her face of the red paint, they all got into John’s jeep. He drove over to the Carter estate. “I stayed here a long time ago.” Tanya said as they made their way to the door. John smiled at Gary. Only a child would consider a month a ’long time.’

Rosa answered the door, and rushed them in. “Dr. John, Gary, it’s so good to see you. Hello, miss Tanya,” she addressed the child.

“Hi, Rosa,” John said. “We’re here to surprise Gamma.”

They were led into the study where Millicent Carter was sipping chamomile tea. She looked up as her visitors approached, “John, darling, what a pleasant surprise.” She stood and kissed her grandson, his boyfriend and the child they had with them all on their cheeks. She immediately forgot about the two men as she focused all of her attention on the child with them. “So, sweetheart, did you have a good time tonight?”

“Yes,” she smiled, “I got a whole bag of candy this big.” She held her arms open so wide that John and Gary had to stifle a laugh.

“You did? Well that’s good. Just don’t eat it all at once, or you’ll get a tummy ache.” She instructed Tanya. “Darling, would you like to stay here with me tonight? I think there might be a new cartoon we could watch.”

John quirked an eyebrow, “Really?” He asked. “Since when did you start collecting Disney, Gamma?”

“Well, I thought it might behoove me to acquire a few things that a child may like since there’s one among us now.” John frowned. His grandmother was definitely up to something, but he didn’t want to confront her with both Gary and Tanya present.

“Can I stay, please?” Tanya pleaded.

“Well, I don’t know, honey,” Gary said. “We didn’t bring you any p.j.’s, or a toothbrush or anything.”

“Don’t worry about it, Gary,” Millicent waved her hand dismissively. “I’m sure we’ll find something that will work, and we always have spare toothbrushes. Let the child stay, please.” And now it was John’s grandmother’s turn to pout.

Gary looked so flustered that John decided to come to his rescue, and save him from being exposed to his grandmother’s very persuasive side. “Okay, since you don’t have school tomorrow, you can stay.”

“Yea!” Tanya did a little dance in place. John and Gary chuckles at her.

“Well, I guess we’ll leave you two with your movie.” John said, dragging Gary by the arm.

The two men made their way back out to the jeep. “Well, what are we supposed to do now?” Gary whined. John turned to him and leered. Gary blushed profusely, “Oh,” was all he said, and then he smiled.

John broke several traffic laws getting back to Gary’s apartment. They both streaked past the people who were sitting in the bar, and went up to the studio that was above it. They were barely in the door before John pounced. He was pulling Gary’s clothes off, sending buttons flying if necessary. “I’ve been thinking,” he panted through passionate kisses, “maybe we should get a house.”

“A house?” repeated Gary. His eyes were glazed and dilated, his hair was already slightly sweat-soaked, and his lips were bruised and swollen with kissing.

“Yeah, more room. I mean we don’t know how long we’re going to have Tanya, and we could always use more space. A guest room maybe.”

“Mmm,” murmured Gary as he sucked one of John’s earlobes between his lips, causing a shudder to course throughout the man’s body. “Sounds nice.”

“Oh, it certainly does.” John walked Gary backward towards the bed as they both made frantic work of the rest of their clothes. They hadn’t made love since the shooting, and this time was going to be fast, furious and fulfilling.

Gary landed on the bed with a soft bounce, and John stretched out, partially on top of Gary, partially on the bed. He was still very careful of Gary’s side, which was quite tender to the touch. The two kissed, their tongues dueling, while their teeth nipped at sensitive flesh. Gary arched off the bed as John ran his fingertips slowly up his inner thigh. Gary whimpered, “please, John.”

John didn’t have it in him to tease his lover at this point. His hand clasped the swollen shaft that was already glistening with pre-come. He nearly screamed as he felt Gary’s hand encircle around his own organ. They began to pump one another in counter rhythm. They used sweat and pre-come to cause greater friction between them, tracing the vein on the underside of the other’s cock. Gary’s other hand snaked down and cupped John’s balls in his hand, gently kneading them. John moaned into Gary’s mouth. He could already feel his climax burning its way through his stomach. He tightened his grip around Gary’s shaft and pumped him furiously. Gary’s half-strangled cry was what alerted John to the fact that he was going to come. Gary moaned loudly as he came, splashing them both with come. John followed right after him, adding his own essence to the mix now covering them.

They lay together, panting, waiting for some semblance of normal breathing to return. John got up and retrieved a wash cloth. He wiped himself off, then he got one for his lover and used it to clean him off. He threw the cloth on the floor by the bed, and spooned up next to Gary, pulling him close. They pulled the blankets up around them, and lay there kissing leisurely. John’s tongue snaked out and traced Gary’s lips. Gary sighed and let John’s tongue in. John mapped the entirely familiar territory of Gary’s mouth as though he’d never kissed him before. Gary’s tongue caressed the welcome invader.

John moaned contentedly as he felt himself begin to harden again. He traced circles on Gary’s abdomen until he felt his lover stir from his ministrations. John began to trace Gary’s jaw line, and then nipped at his neck, stopping to leave a mark where his collarbone met his shoulder. Gary arched off the bed, moaning John’s name. John traced his way down Gary’s body, using taste and touch, both of which were torturing in their feather lightness. Gary would arch impatiently trying to get John to touch his aching flesh, but John ignored it, and used his body to pin him down further into the mattress so he couldn’t get the necessary friction to come. He licked the inside of Gary’s thigh, feeling the muscle quiver, and hearing the whimper tear from his lover’s throat.

“I love you, Gary,” he said reverently.

He then ran his tongue up the underside of Gary’s penis, and twirled it along the head. He then closed his lips around it and slowly made his way down until Gary was hitting the back of his throat.

Gary could feel the walls of John’s throat constrict around him, and he thought he would die for the feeling. Just when he thought he couldn’t feel anything more torturous, John began to hum as he made his way up and down the hard shaft. Gary tried to buck up, but John had him firmly pinned down.

John began to trace the puckered opening between Gary’s cheeks. He could hear Gary sigh with need, and he managed to spread his legs a bit wider as invitation. John kissed the tips of Gary’s cock as he made his way back up the body of his lover. He grabbed and pillow, and slid it under Gary’s hips, raising them slightly. He then fumbled in the nightstand for the lube they kept there. Finding the tube, John flipped open the cap and generously wet his fingers with it. He went back to tracing Gary’s opening, but now he slipped a finger inside. Feeling it be accepted with little resistance, he soon pushed in the second finger, scissoring them to loosen his lover in preparation for him.

“More,” Gary moaned. “John, please,” he begged.

John smiled down at the man he loved more than his life was worth. He withdrew his fingers, and Gary moaned for their loss. He poured more lube into his hand and coated his own hard cock, so that he wouldn’t hurt the man below him. He positioned himself at Gary’s opening and slowly made his way past the tight muscle ring. Gary and John both moaned at the sensation. Once he was past the ring, he made his way in with one fluid long thrust. Gary bucked up to meet him, impaling himself further onto John. John reached between their bodies and teased Gary’s cock with soft touches until he began to thrust harder into his lover’s pliant body. Then he gripped Gary tightly as Gary bucked up to meet his furious pace. Sweat dripped down both of their bodies, mingling between them. John sweat-soaked hair fell into his eyes, but he couldn’t be bothered to wipe it back. He focused everything in making love to the man below him. He would pull out until just the tip of his cock remained inside, and then he would thrust back in hard and fast, causing jolts of electricity to flash between both of them.

All too soon Gary felt his climax begin, and he gasped as he came into John’s hand. John heard Gary’s gasp and felt the warm liquid spray between them. Then he felt all of Gary’s internal muscles begin to milk him. He slammed in twice more before coming deep inside Gary.

The two lay there like that for a while before John rolled over to grab the cloth that he’d dropped earlier to clean them both off again. Once that was done, they wrapped their arms around the other one, getting as close as humanly possible. Dropping soft, sweet kisses along lips, cheeks, and eyelids amidst murmurs of love, they fell asleep content in the fact that the other one was there.

John woke up again when the telephone rang far too early for his taste since he didn’t have to work. Gary’d gotten the paper, and had found nothing to do until late in the day, so they’d gone back to bed, snuggling closely.

John untangled himself from his sleeping lover, and answered the telephone, “Hello,” he said through a yawn.

“Yes, is this John Carter,” the man on the other end asked.

“Yes, it is,” he said hearing a familiar voice, but not quite being able to place it.

“This is Mr. Andrews, your family’s lawyer,” the man paused, and when he got no reply from John, he continued, “I am calling this morning because I’d like to discuss with you some of the problems you’ll run into with your petition.”

“What petition,” said John with a slightly unsteady feeling in his stomach.

“Your petition for you and your male lover to adopt the little girl you found. Your grandmother, Millicent Carter, has assured me that drafting up the necessary documents was your wish. Was this not correct?” Mr. Andrews asked.

John wasn’t listening any longer. He dropped the phone. *Oh my God, Gamma,* he thought, *what have you gone and done now.*


End file.
